mommiewaters (mommiewaters) wrote in girls_on_goals,

My Goal

My goal is to get to a weight that I am happy with... I have been on a diet for as long and more then the age of my little girl... I lost allot of weight yes but it was by drinking protein powder and not eatting and exercising 3 + times a day every day...  In England I lost weight because we walked everywhere as we had no car and that is how it is in England..
Now that I have been home as a home Mom and I am now 39 it is harder to lose it...  I am now eatting out of every food group which is laided out and drinking water. I am trying to exercise at least 30 min a day... It is hard right now as I have a bad pinch in my neck  I am unable to do high level...  It bugs me as I feel guilt buy not being able to do more ...  And with this program I can not weigh my self for 4 weeks this is hard. I have 2 more weeks to go..
When I was in England the doctor said it is a sort of eatting disorder. I will not eat high fat or certin foods... It is hard for me to eat 1600 cals a day.. Right now I have to eat 1500 and that is hard Today I am shy of 1250.. I have feel my relationship with food is not to good. And I promised my husband I would not do the protein thing again.
What scares me as my Mom just turned 62 and she is heavy and has a really hard time getting up stairs and she's out of breath bad.. I don't want to be like that at her age. And I lost my Dad 10 years ago from heart disease so I don't eat hydro's or my family if I can help it... 
I am looking into the clean eatthing way of eatting we will see.. 
So my goal is to be able to look in the mirror and not hate what I see!  When i was size 10 I loved it but my family said I looked pale and sick but for me I would be a size 0 as I have never been happy with what I see in the mirror. 
And one thing for me is when you say I hate how my________? are and your husband says you are fine to me ! That drives me up a pole at times!!!!!

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It was good to read your post. I totally know what you mean about seeing things differently than they are. When I was younger I saw and exaggerated anything remotely close to a flaw, to the point where I finally realized that eatting a bite of food was making me want to gag. I was a lucky teen, and was able to change that. But in adulthood I starting gaining weight because of a tramatic event. For a long time (years) I never saw how big I had gotten except in pictures. weird how I can see the same thing SOOO differently in a mirror. It is hard, but I take much better care of myself now. I eat breakfast - which I always used to skip, and I try and wear cute clothes, even cute PJ's all the time even if I am not going anywhere. Somehow that makes me feel better about myself. I am a ways from my goal (which is not my dream weight/size but a healthy one instead), but I am closer than I was. I try to do something spiritual in the mornings to get my focus on what is real and important now too, which I hadn't done in a while. This seems to help me. I have a Verse up on my mirror to remind me of my worth. Sorry this got long and rambly. Anyway I just meant to say I can relate, and I guess now am working on the struggle in reverse. Glad you know you are worth getting to like yourself :)
It is sad to see how body image can really hurt a person really... How people see and judege it all the time... I wish the world was all around diffrent! Because at the end of the day everyone has a fault a weakness!!!
i wish i could go back to when i was 10 and talk to myself. the only people who called me fat was my family and those are the people i most want to get along with! so now i'm 270 and i look back and want to smack my 15 year old self for giving into the "ugh i'm so fat at 160". ARG.
even if i do lose some weight i am heinously frightened, TO DEATH almost, of saggy stomach and boobs. after having sam my chubby full belly went to limp and lifeless flesh and i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATEH AEHIAWIOEAF it.

anyways. i dunno if y'all do it, but i do try to pick out physical things i like and to remind myself of these things when i'm hating my weight and belly. it really gets on my nerves when other people say they hate things and say it all the time, like my mom always says she hates her nose. o dont take pictures of her b/c she hates her nose. well, get over it! you're over 55 now and just get the hell over it and start being a little positive! i dont wanna get in a hate rut like her.

anywho..dunno if that helped lol